Gladys Diaz and Michelle Roza, also known as The Love Twins, are certified dating and relationship coaches for women, and co-founders of Heart’s Desire International. Together they are on a mission to help empower women with the skills to create the life and love that their hearts desire so that they have the experience of being loved, cherished, and adored every day of their lives. We spoke with them about the rules of engagement for communicating, connecting and creating intimacy in your relationship.
The party was well begun. We’d taken over our favorite restaurant, Casa Rasta, to celebrate JoAnn’s 60th birthday. Friends had flown in from Connecticut and Florida. Her son Jonah’s band, Working Breed, was playing her favorite Lyle Lovett song as the cakes (lovingly and artfully made by JoAnn’s favorite chef, the delightful, 80-year-old Suzie Treon) were being served.
JoAnn had already declared this was the best night of her life; nothing else came close. I was two Tecati’s in when our friend/accountant, Tommy, leaned over and said, “You know you’re getting major points for this.”
I smiled, probably sighed, and said, “Yes, I know. But all points expire in 24 hours.”
Sure enough, the next morning, when moving the fountain I’ve been told never to move (I was hanging a beautiful painting Jonah bought her), I dumped about a quart of (clean) water onto the (new) carpet. And there it was, just 12 hours after the party – the best night of her life – and I was back in the doghouse.
Because that’s the way it is with women, and you can either use that to your mutual advantage, or whine that it should be otherwise. What I’m about to share is one of the simplest and most valuable relationship lessons I have ever learned – both from a love and a financial standpoint.
For women, it’s all about frequency, not magnitude. If I bought JoAnn a car, she’d be ecstatic with me … for about a day, maybe two. I’d get virtually the same reaction (excluding the momentary elation which is always short-lived) by leaving her a little love note or writing her a poem, or calling her out of the blue just to let her know how much I adore her. So, since I can’t afford to buy her a car every week (and we only have a one-car garage), I make sure I do something every week, typically every day, typically several times a day, to make sure she knows she is appreciated, loved and adored.
The afternoon after the party, JoAnn asked what happened to the leftover cakes Suzie made. I’d made a conscious decision to donate them to the Casa Rasta staff, because a) we don’t do well with a lot of wheat or sugar and b) if it’s in the house, I’m eating it. JoAnn had been looking forward to having at least one more piece of her very special cakes, and was disappointed. I started hearing on a regular basis a half playful, half complaining mantra of “You gave away my birthday cakes and I wanted another piece!”
This started to prey on my conscious, but I kept letting it slide. But, to my credit, the nickel dropped and I stepped up. I said, “Do you realize you have turned your memory of the best night of your life into the night my partner robbed me of cake?” To her credit, she got it immediately and said, “You are so right. I’ll stop,” and that was the last time I heard about the Great Cake Robbery. We reminded ourselves that gratitude is a practice and requires some diligence to overcome the thrown/default way of being, i.e., complaining.
This morning as she was ready to get out of bed, I started to wonder, as frankly I often do, is she going to snuggle with me for a minute or just get going. I’m always hoping for the former; historically it’s about 50/50. As she began to cuddle with me and I felt a warm feeling all over my body, I started to wonder if frequency isn’t just as important for men.
Bernice McDonald, Heartbreak to Happiness Coach, writer and relationship trainer, has found the secrets to true love after living through too many heartbreaks including divorce. She says no one should have be alone if they don’t want to be – and wants us to change what you know about love in order to find magic. Now married to her Knight in Shining Armor, she teaches others to hang in there. This is documented in her prescriptive book, “Never Give Up on True Love.”
This week we spoke with Collette Gee about unrealistic relationship expectations. Collette Gee is a world-renowned Holistic Love Coach, Author and Speaker who helps men and women overcome the relationship challenges they face in the 21st century. Collette is the creator of a relationship web series called “Finding Happily,” is a regular Huffington Post contributor and has been an active participant in organizations that help prevent violence against women. She uses an integrative method of holistic coaching to include clients nurturing and loving themselves physically, mentally, and spiritually.
In this program, Anthony Santen talks about why marriages fail when both the men and women start the relationship in ‘perceived advantage’ over the other. This advantage often translates into a ‘mommy-ship’ rather than relationship. The man begins to view his partner as a mother – authoritarian figure, and the woman begins to view her partner as a son – inadequate. This is exacerbated when the couple has children and the parents ‘cheat’ on their marriage by directing their love energy towards their children instead of each other. The passion wanes and the intimacy disappears.
Anthony Santen provides marriage counseling, individual counseling, divorce prevention, life coaching and training from Toronto, Canada. His main focus is on Divorce Prevention through counseling with the couple and individually. He is the creator of the Path Within® Program and a faculty member with the National Guild of Hypnotists. He teaches in the methods of facilitating change and mind/body connection to audiences from all over the world.
Recently a friend of mine said that his concern, “… way out in front of global warming, is job growth. Once people have jobs and income, then we can start working on issues like climate change.”
This kind of dualistic thinking gets us in trouble with our country, our environment, our relationships, our health, and in every area of our lives.
The truth is it’s almost never either/or.
Examples of such faulty thinking include:
- I have to work and/or travel a lot so I can’t eat well.
- I can’t take care of our children and take care my partner.
- I’m in a huge rush, so I don’t have time to say what I need to say in a civil manner.
- I’m too busy to exercise.
- I’m too busy to meditate and be reflective.
- I’m too busy to take the time to do my work conscientiously.
- Feelings are more important than thoughts.
- Intelligence is more important than intuition.
The truth is that if you rush your communication with your partner, if you don’t take the time to say “I love you,” you are going to have less connection, less energy, and less productivity. I know that by taking care of my partner first, we’ll both do a better job of taking care of our children. It’s like they say on the airplanes, “Put your own oxygen mask on first, so that you can better assist your child.”
The truth is that if you don’t take the time to exercise and eat well, you’ll have poorer health, less energy and less productivity.
Ghandi, whose routine included meditating an hour a day, famously said, “I have so much to accomplish today, I need to meditate for two hours instead of one.”
I’m a capitalist and a socialist, and I see no contradiction there. I believe in free markets and in ensuring that every citizen has basic needs like health care. It doesn’t have to be either/or.
Dualistic thinking is killing us. The dualistic media (virtually all media) wants to create confrontation on every front. It’s what sells. It what lets us tap into our righteous ego titillation – the juicy negative pleasure we get from being pissed off. We need to find a healthier way to get that pleasure. We need to be inclusive, not exclusive. We need to come from abundance, not scarcity.
I happen to think that both the planet’s and humanity’s survival depend on it – at least in the long run, if not in our lifetimes.
God bless us all.
Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
– Mary Oliver, The Summer Day
The description they used follows. Click on the image to view the chart referenced in the talk.
We experience ourselves, others and the world via communication. Yet most of us are far less conscious of what is coloring our perceptions in communication, and how what we say is interpreted. Transforming communication is the essence of what makes our personal and business relationships succeed. In realizing the full extent of this, we are inspired to continually improve such that our own relationships blossom, and we are empowered to coach others to be better communicators.
Join William Weil, an internationally recognized professional teacher, writer and relationship coach. In his writings and seminars he offers practical wisdom for self-discovery and transformation via interpersonal relationships. Bill is the author of New Earth Relationships: A Guide for Couples in the 21st Century, and From Intuition to Entrepreneurship. He also created LovePong.com, an interactive app supporting couples in elevating their consciousness and communicating more powerfully.
By participating in this presentation you will:
- Begin to own what you bring to communication
- Elevate your consciousness of your own communication and that of others
- Be in a better position to coach people on how their communication impacts others
- Open the door wider to enhancing all of your relationships
A baby caterpillar doesn’t transform
into an adult caterpillar,
it simply grows into one
with all its baby-caterpillar characteristics –
shape, color, propensity to travel by land.
At some point it spins a cocoon.
A metaphor for meditation and stillness,
I envision the caterpillar going inside,
feeling its feelings,
asking for guidance to see all sides of itself,
pondering its place in the universe,
meditating on its highest purpose.
It declares the willingness to shed its former self,
all its thoughts and beliefs,
all things to which it has so desperately clung,
for the possibility of what it might become.
In this Conscious Couples Conversations podcast, Nicole McCance talks with Bill about your responsibility in a relationship. Which part of the upset is yours? Which is your partner’s? Listen and find out!
Nicole McCance is a Canadian psychologist and therapist and the author of the best-selling book 52 Ways to Beat Depression Naturally. She owns Nicole McCance Psychology, which has over 10 Counseling locations in the greater Toronto area. She’s provides counseling and assessment services in North America and in Russia. She is a frequent contributor to CTV News, CTV National, Global TV, CBC News, and others. She is also the Relationship Expert on Season 2 of the Cosmo TV show Love Trap.
Dr. Gail Brenner talks with us about shifting from blaming our partners to a more powerful context, one in which we take responsibility for our own urges and feelings that come up in the context of relationship. We talk about: What is the power of pausing and being curious about what is coming up inside before taking the action of speaking to the other, and how do we do that? How does this help in terms of harmonizing relationships and using relationship as a mirror and vehicle for freedom from the habits and patterns that limit us? And how does this manifest outside our relationships? How does it help when we investigate these needs and feelings first, before putting them out into the relationship? How do we make friends with our fears?
Dr. Brenner is a psychologist with 17 years of experience offering psychotherapy and an avid blogger for aflourishinglife.com. In addition to writing, she meets with people individually and in groups to support them in gaining the insights they need to release mental and emotional patterns that distract from happiness, inner peace, and full creative expression.