Keep Dating Your Spouse After You Are Married
Guest Post by Andrea Taylor
When a couple gets married, it is often because they love each other and enjoy spending time together. Romantic dates and late night text conversations keep the flames lit as they grow closer. Marriage is a legal and public proclamation of that bond.
During the first year or so of marriage, many enjoy an extended honeymoon of romance and pleasure from the union. However, at some point, other concerns may begin to overshadow that time together. Spouses take each other for granted as they change diapers, buck for a promotion at work and argue over home decor.
Whether or not you and your beloved have children, it is important to continue planning regular dates. This allows you time together to stoke the fires of your love. Otherwise, taking each other for granted can lead to growing apart, an all too common occurrence.
While a strong commitment and deep love are certainly an excellent foundation for a marriage, it can and will wane if not cared for. Rather than allow this unfortunate circumstance to fall on your marriage, discuss dating with your spouse.
At least once each week, plan some one-on-one time, without your cell phones or other interruptions. Put this in your calendar, and view it in the same way that you would view an important work or personal appointment. You can plan the same types of activities that you enjoyed before the marriage or take on new adventures together to deepen your bond.
Many couples are able to do this until the first child arrives. Babies require around the clock care while husbands and wives struggle with sexual intimacy. Women may feel self-conscious because of the changes in their bodies and men can feel shut out. At this point, most do not discuss what is going on.
While you may not want to leave your infant home with a sitter while taking a two-week vacation, you can and should set aside at least a couple of hours weekly that are baby-free. As the child grows, your opportunities do as well.
Some couples fret over the amount of money going on a date will cost. Married dates need not be expensive or extravagant affairs. What does matter is having couple time away from everyone and everything else.
You need to establish ground rules for date time. This might include not discussing the children or work. Other taboo topics are often in-laws and finances. Anything that is a sore topic for the two of you should be tabled while you work on your connection.
Find free activities in your community that the two of you can enjoy together. A free outdoor concert or strolling through your local flea market does not require any money and will get you out of the house, away from the dirty diapers and piling bills.
You may also need to plan for some sexy time during your dates. Though you may have concerns about the lack of spontaneity, having plans will allow you both to get in the mood for sexual intimacy.
Once your kids are old enough, you can plan weekend dates together. If funds are limited, have someone watch the children at their place while you enjoy having the house to yourselves. Walk around in your undies and eat ice cream together out of the container. Sing and be silly. Enjoy yourselves and each other.
Being married is a beautiful thing, but it does require effort and planning. By scheduling regular dates from the beginning, you will keep the intimacy that you had before you got married, averting many of the troubles that your peers may experience.
You fell in love with this person enough to commit to spending your lives together. Make certain you maintain a satisfying union by prioritizing your marriage, no matter what else may be happening in your lives. It is worth the effort!
About the Author
Andrea Taylor is the Coaching Support Director at Life Coach Hub, a site that networks life coaches with individuals looking to make improvements in their own personal and professional lives. The site provides useful information about life coaching – what it is, how it works, if it’s the right choice for you and advice and tips as well as a platform where coaches can network, start or further develop their own businesses. Visit lifecoachhub.com to learn more or connect with your own personal life coach.
Judith Saly was born in Budapest, Hungary 93 years ago. She has always been interested in psychological and spiritual quests for the meaning of life. She was attracted to Eva Pierrakos’s lectures and the Pathwork when she read her first lecture in 1958. She and her husband, John Saly, studied with Eva and John Pierrakos to become Pathwork Helpers. (A Helper is senior level in Pathwork which can qualify people to lead workshops and perform individual sessions with clients.) Always interested in the dynamics of relationship, Judith gave Pathwork sessions to many couples. She compiled the lectures for the book, “Creating Union,” which highlights the Pathwork lectures on relationship, and is the author, co-author or editor of several books.
